Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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