If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I deserve this hangover.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
