Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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