I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
