Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
