I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
