I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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