well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
