At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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