this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
