Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
