He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
