I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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