so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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