you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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