She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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