So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
