so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
where are you?
Hypothermia
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
