the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
