at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
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Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
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The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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