I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
