I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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