Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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