you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
