Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
please don't ironically join a cult
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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