The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
