you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
