Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
