Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
