Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
