this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
