He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
