I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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