i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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