Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
