i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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