it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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