Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think my tv is drunk
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
