Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
