they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
