she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
