I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
