don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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