I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We just shotgunned beers for America
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
