I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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