hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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