So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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