Plan B is the new Plan A
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
