hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I forget how to act sober
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
