Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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