hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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