lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
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You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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