yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am mentally ready for anal.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
