Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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