Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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