how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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