nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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