I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
