you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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