i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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