he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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