dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
