i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
