Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
