I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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