my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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