You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
