i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
