you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
