Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
